一篇被哈佛大学录取的Essay分析

 我相信拜读过《50篇哈佛大学录取文书》的学生有很多，大家在被一部分抓眼球又有深度的前辈们的录取文章吸引的同时，也会不禁思考：同样是高中生，我能不能写出来这样的精彩Essay呢？

我们不妨来看一篇近年被哈佛大学录取的“新鲜文章”。看看这篇带有“独特风味”的Personal Statement是如何以自身的经历在众多星光熠熠的essay pool里拔得头筹。作者的语言并没有复杂绚丽，但却简洁明确的迅速展开了自己的经历与成长。几乎每一段落里都有矛盾和成长。而正是这种成长的痛楚与欣慰，让哈佛大学看到了字面后的作者的性格潜质。为了大家阅读方便，我放了原文与分析如下：

 Homeless for Thirteen Years

开头段赏析：

I sat on my parents’ bed weeping with my head resting on my knees. “Why did you have to do that to me? Why did you have to show me the house and then take it away from me?” Hopelessly, I found myself praying to God realizing it was my last resort.

For years, my family and I found ourselves moving from country to country in hopes of a better future. Factors, such as war and lack of academic opportunities, led my parents to pack their bags and embark on a new journey for our family around the world. Our arduous journey first began in Albania, then Athens, Greece, and then eventually, Boston, Massachusetts. Throughout those years, although my family always had a roof over our heads, I never had a place I could call “home”.

结尾段赏析：

I had been homeless for the first thirteen years of my life. Although I will never be able to fully repay my parents for all of their sacrifices, the least I could do was to help find them a home that they could call their own---and that year, I did. To me, a home means that the general conception of “ four walls and a roof.” A home is a place filled with memories and laughter from my family. No matter where my future may lead me, I know that if at times I feel alone, I will always have a yellow home with my family inside waiting for me.

点评：

     该篇文章以常用的场景开篇，一上来便紧紧抓住了读者的眼球，让人不禁想知道：是谁把房子收走了呢？到底家里发生了什么事情、才导致作者一直居无定所呢？

场景开篇在很多作家作品中都有运用，比如：世界著名作家海明威在短篇小说 The Three-day Blow 是这样开篇的： The rain stopped as Nick turned into the road went up through the orchard. The fruit had been picked and the fall wind blew through the bare trees. Nick stopped and picked up a Wagner apple from beside the road, shiny in the brown grass from the rain.He put the apple in the pocket of his Mackinaw coat.这类写作手法具有异曲同工之妙。

     结尾处又进行点题，将故事介绍完成，也就是我们常说的“画龙点睛”。

     总体上来看，这篇被哈佛录取的文书写的是作者独一无二的人生经历，情真意切、感人至深。还是玮伟老师提过的：-写文书一定写自己内心深处最想说的话，先打动自己、才能打动别人，然后才是讲故事技巧与语言功底的呈现。

最后，希望大家都写出自己最想说的话，能够在分数成定局的情况下，通过一篇文书获得心仪美国大学的亲睐、斩获完美的录取结果！